You are my life

the air i'm breathing

if you go

i can never live.

i let my fingers touch the dark, black letters on the last page in my diary. the page felt so fragile, like the wings of a butterfly; ready to give up weakened by time and slowly vanish. i did not know whether to cry or to smile. it was all in the past, yet they had haunted my dreams, both fully awake and in sleep, so many times. the memories.

i think maybe i should explain first, so that you can understand what i'm talking about. i will start from day one.

- vanessa darling! get dressed and come down here as soon as possible! the carter family are almost here, my mother called from downstairs.

- yeah, in a minute! i called back.

          everything had to be perfect. my mom was a perfectionist, every single detail had to be perfect, and if it wasn't; her eyes always caught it and then she made sure it was. she had been planning and planning for this reunion for a long time.

my parents have known the carter's ever since i was born, i grew up with their son scott, who is the same age as me, 16. but they moved to miami when i was 6, and we hadn't seen each other for ten years, nor had i kept in touch with scott.

now they were coming to visit, and they were expected to stay for the entire weekend.

          i put on this white dress that ended a few inches above my knees that my mom had insisted for me to wear. "it really shows off your long legs sweetie. they're gorgeous" she had said. my mother, as myself, always wanted me to look good. but for who? i wasn't even aloud to have a boyfriend... not that i ever obeyed that rule, but that's another story.

i pulled my fingers through my thick, long blonde hair. that was another physical part of me i was always complimented for.

i heard a car pull up on our driveway. "it must be them" i thought and went down.

          i was not nervous at all. neither was i anxious. i just wanted to get it over with so i could hit the beach with my friends. there was a party going on down there. it was friday, come on, i would not sit at home on a friday night chatting about the good old days.

out of the taxi two people went visible. there was mr carter and mrs carter.

- george! mary! my mom called as a big smile crossed her face.

the grown-ups greeted each other, then they started hugging and telling how long it'd been and how young they all look. the woman started bragging about this and that, advicing each other about good weight loss methods while the men clapped each other on the belly saying "oh you know what the years do to you". then the attention was drawn to me.

- so beautiful you've become vanessa! oh just look at you! so tall, oh so thin! the boys must be all over you huh? mrs carter, mary, said and caught me in her arms.

- oh no, there are no boys, my father, stephen, said with a smile.

- you hold on to her real hard now do you old man! mr carter said and laughed.

- but where is scott? scott honey? come on over here! mary said.

          the door to the taxi opened and out came a tall boy wearing a volcom t-shirt and surfer shorts. his hair was thick and brown, i could tell he was really fit. my parents welcomed him and threw loads of compliments over him.

          then our eyes met. his eyes were emerald green, deep, kind of mysterious. in that moment, something happened to me. it felt like something had struck right through my body, touching my heart. had i been hit by the arrow of cupid? no, this was nonsense! this is scott! hello! the guy who was once my best friend, the guy who used to play hide and seek with me in our garden.

then he smiled and a dimple appeared clearly on his left cheek. he still had the dimple! it felt like i was about to melt to the ground. my legs weakened, i was afraid my legs would not have the strenght to carry me.

- hey vanessa, he said.

i managed to open my mouth to say hi.

- long time, no see. he said and shrugged his shoulders, not letting the smile fade.

          OH MY GOD. i wondered why on earth i felt this way. this guy, who i had been best friends with, was the most good-looking guy i had ever seen in my entire life. he was even hotter than kyle, who was, according to all the girls, the hottest guy at school. "i want this guy. i must have him. i will have him" i thought.